New Apps from the Developers of Find My Friends
Locate the Smelly Stuff in the Fridge
Interactive play is all the rage! That’s why this augmented-reality game takes a picture of the inside of your fridge, then allows you to tap on items to guess which one is making your studio apartment smell horrific. It’s not what you think!
Recognize My Toxic Behavior
As virtual therapy becomes more mainstream, we have developed an app that recognizes unhealthy patterns and alerts you to them via push notification. When you enthusiastically tell your friend that you would love to drive her to the airport at 11 P.M., even though you have an important project due the next morning, you’ll receive a cheerful reminder that respecting your own personal boundaries is just as important as respecting the boundaries of others.
Notice the Typo Immediately After Hitting Send
This automated text-scanner reads e-mails at a speed of a thousand and seventy-two words per minute, but only after you’ve already sent your boss a note regarding your upcoming “suck day.”
Where Are My High-School Classmates?
This one is just a group text with your high-school friends featuring links to your home town’s local-police blotter whenever someone from your graduating class is arrested. Also includes links to Zillow listings of houses your former classmates just purchased.
Discover the Desire to Make Positive Change
Simply tap your screen any time you make a constructive, positive decision and you’ll get a point, prompting the app to play the beginning of OutKast’s “Hey Ya!” Today you won’t get many, because you absolutely bombed your interview after drinking five espresso shots. But tomorrow’s a new day! Hey ya!
Guess Your Data
We have eight billion lines of data that we sell off each year. Given how well you think you know yourself, guess which are yours. It’s not the ones you think!
Spot the Unencouraging Mom Text
This innovative application reads all messages that come from contacts labelled “Mom,” “Mama Bear,” or “Me in Twenty Years.” Then, the application deletes any messages that include the words “ran into,” “don’t you think,” or “wasting your master’s degree,” replacing them with cute photographs of animal mothers and their babies in nature. Now you can really mean it when you reply, “Thanks for sending that, Mom. I needed to see it!”
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Point Out My Future Ex
This dating-app plug-in can now determine, with a hundred per cent accuracy, if you and your potential sweetheart will make it, long-term. For the time being, all we’ll say is that you can expect to see a Facebook post featuring your most recent match’s smiling face at your dream wedding venue with . . . someone. It’s not who you think!
Feel It in Your Bones That You Are Not a Good Person
All of those apps that simulate being in control are exhausting and, let’s be honest, unrealistic. This new app synchs to your phone’s haptics to create a soothing sense of numbness. Finally, it’s easier than ever before to lose yourself in twelve hours of sponsored Instagram-TV content a day.