This Summer’s Do’s, Don’ts, and Things That Will Inevitably End Up Happening
Do: Explore a new warm-weather hobby, like kayaking, gardening, or hiking.
Don’t: Invest a lot of money in accessories for your hobby before trying it out.
Thing That Will Inevitably End Up Happening: You purchase gardening shears, a single oar, and cute hiking boots, only to spend the bulk of your free time watching a new Netflix show in which British cupcake bakers compete in the kitchen against American prison inmates.
Do: Try a new style on for size. Pick out a funky pair of sandals or an unusual dress silhouette and allow your flirty summer personality to shine through!
Don’t: Buy clothing made of fabrics that don’t lend themselves to hot climates.
Thing That Will Inevitably End Up Happening: You buy a jumpsuit off Instagram that’s made from the same fabric as those parachutes from your elementary-school P.E. class. You wear it once to something really important and leave after forty-five minutes when butt-sweat stains hit critical mass.
Do: Skip the expensive weeklong vacation and enjoy a quick weekend getaway to someplace other than the beach. Try exploring the mountains or go antiquing upstate!
Don’t: Attempt to cobble together a vacation at the last minute and end up wasting time and money.
Thing That Will Inevitably End Up Happening: You force your noncommittal friends to join you on a day trip to the nearest and worst beach. After a really tense two-hour drive in horrible traffic, you spend four hours worrying about something you stepped on that was probably just a shell but possibly a stray needle? You drink tragic, lime-flavored beer to subdue anxiety and receive a forty-dollar open-container ticket.
Do: Allow yourself to engage in a summer fling, no strings attached!
Don’t: Get too invested in a summer romance that you know has an expiration date.
Thing That Will Inevitably End Up Happening: You waste the precious sunlight-induced serotonin in your brain on an all-consuming crush that haunts your every waking hour. After one weird “drinks thing” with said crush, at which he reveals that he has a different love interest/significant other, you weep in the cab home while listening to Robyn with the window down.
Do: Forget the overpriced rooftop bars and throw a no-pressure outdoor gathering at home. Tell friends to bring good beer and good vibes.
Don’t: Spend the whole summer in the same boring happy-hour bar you frequent the rest of the year.
Thing That Will Inevitably End Up Happening: You discover that your boring happy-hour bar has turned into an overpriced rooftop bar. You decide to bail and smuggle mini vodka bottles into a 6 P.M. showing of “Pokémon Detective Pikachu” and dump them into a large, blue-flavored slushy. You end up living your best life.